The final leg of the story...

my first born...

Doug...

which most of you know is deaf...

but what you don't know is how he is tied into all of this...

I married the first time right out of high school...

and we got pregnant pretty soon after...

and my mom was with me through the whole pregnancy...

and when I was 3 months, mom always went to the doctor with me...

because of Kathy and the theory it happened to the first borns...

and she had her medical records...

so we talked to doctor about it and he made arrangements for me to go the Champaign...

the see an obgyn at Carle and to talk to the genetics department at the U of I...

so mom and I went first to the U of I and answered all kinds of questions...

then onto Carle for an amniocentesis test...

they were going to check the chromosomes to see if I was carrying a child with downs...

but by the time they went through all the information...

the experts determined I had a great chance of miscarrying a normal baby from having the test than of me having one with downs...

so I decided not to have the test...

I went home...

and I was walking down the hall and I started talking to God about it....

because everyone was tense around me...

and we really wanted to know to see what we were going to deal with...

and whether to continue the pregnancy or not...

but I never had to make that choice...

but my doctor did want me to have all the options...

so as I was talking to God...

I told him that I would take any child He gave me...

and that it would be an honor if He trusted me enough to give me one of his special children...

as soon as I said that, a peace like nothing else I have every felt came over me and lasted through the whole pregnancy...

now, there are certain characteristics of ds children...

almond shaped eyes, flat fingers and the one I love the most...

in your palm, the lines going across it make an M...

in downs, the line is straight across...

mom had told me all of this and that as soon as this baby was born...

we were to check its palms and we would know...

so when Doug came out...

I grabbed a hand...

there was an M...

mom was waiting just outside the door, so when they wheeled us out, I held up Doug's little hand and said it's ok...

a couple of feedings later...

I looked at both palms...

one palm has the M...

the palm I didn't check has a straight line...

did Doug have downs and God lessened the disability?

or was it just a reminder from God about our conversation in the hallway when I was 3 months along?

18 months later we found out the Doug was deaf, for sure...

and I have never felt like Doug was cheated by God...

and in raising Doug, I hit it head on every time...

even when it seemed hopeless and I couldn't find one sign book...

or anyone who could really tell me anything...

I kept on...

making my own supplies to teach him...

learning fast so I could show him...

making sure he got what he needed...

and when I hit a road block, I would look at his palm...

and remember that God trusted me enough...

the next time Doug comes by...

I will get photos of both of his hands...

and show you God's work...