Friday, March 28, 2014

some days, I get so aggravated...

I do not mean to complain...
well, maybe I do...
it's days like this that I get so aggravated with this fibromayalgia...

and at doctors who don't seem to listen to me...
you know, they don't have all the answers...
not all of them...

had my 8:30 appointment this morning...
and I do not mind waiting when I am not flairing...
but if I am, I am in agony just being there...

first appointment of the day...
should have gotten right in and right out...
but not this morning...

and I know I am not the only person in the world who needs to see the doctor...
but its at those moments, I hate having this...
when I have no control over my pain or my energy...

and I ran out of steam pretty quickly...
and after checking me...
he ordered a chest xray, to see why this stuff came back...

normally, it wouldn't be a problem...
but today...
I didn't have the energy to do it...

so I took the paper from the nurse and told her...
I just can't do it today...
she said it was my call...
so we came home and I went to bed and crashed...

we can go back in the morning to do it...
and it might work out better...
but I hate not being to plan something and carrying it out...
I hate that sometimes we have to ditch everything and run home...
and you never know when its going to happen...
and it just stinks...
and I have been praying for this attitude to go away, but I am struggling today with it...
I let it go one minute and grab it back the next...
sometimes I just miss being 'normal'...
so if you know someone with fibro...
and I know you cannot completely understand what we go through...
but just try to remember...
we are more frustrated than you are when it comes to dealing with it...
we can't control it anymore than we can control the weather...
and we don't do it on purpose to get out of things...
and we would really like to make plans and go out and eat or have you over for dinner...
because some days all we need is for people to cut us some slack...
and we really need to do that for ourselves, too...
and don't give up on us...
we may not be able to keep up anymore...
but we are worth holding onto...
because when God takes something away...
its to give you something greater in return...
and even though I know that He is making me better, stronger, more compassionate...
there are some days that I would like to be weak and ignorant...
and if I was, just look at all the things in these photos He sent to me today...
I would have missed them...
I will stomp and huff until this funk is shaken off...
that's how I make them go away...
thanks for letting me rant on...
I just need to purge this darkness that has fallen over me...