today has been so hard to do...
yesterday, while I was out here cleaning another area...
Bebe was with me, sitting beside me...
and I was thinking that when he passed, that I didn't want him where we have buried the others...
that I wanted him closer to me...
that this was the most tranquil places in the yard...
and that this would be a good place to lay him down...
and when I started thinning areas out, that I would keep that in mind, for I knew it was coming...
I had no idea that this little angel or the jar light that I made not that long ago was in preparation for this day...
that they would mark his resting place...
and the lily of the valley will spread and close in this whole area...
I want to thank God for letting me be his mommy for awhile...
he was with me when I was so sick and couldn't even get out of bed...
and he was there on good days, too...
I am having a hard time with him not being beside me every minute of the day...
not having to step over him, reach down and scratch his head...
I have been restless all day, not being able to stay anywhere for very long...
it took that 3rd walk today before the tears stopped flowing...
I haven't made a move in almost 10 years now without him...
forever checking where he was, that we hadn't left him behind...
I am just lost...
and I am not sure how long this is going to last...
for I have never had an animal like Bebe before...
cats are so independent...
and they don't cling to you all the time...
not like a dog does...
not like an old dog does...
he had to be in the same room I was in...
or he panicked...
and I had to be in sight outside, or he would come looking for me...
I am not looking to have another...
but I don't know what God's plans are...
I wasn't looking for one when Bebe came to me...
I have learned never to say never, but I so can't see it...
he was just so awesome and so what I needed...
DH did not do so well, today, either...
I am glad he stayed home with me...
;)
I may not be posting for a bit...
until I can figure out my new normal...
our neighbors all cried with us today...
he was so loved by everyone...
but the ones that broke our hearts where the kids next door...
they both cried...
we told their mom and let her tell them...
thank you for all your words, your prayers...
they all mean so much...
be well and know that you are all in my prayers until I come back...
;)
