Friday, March 28, 2014

some days, I get so aggravated...

I do not mean to complain...
well, maybe I do...
it's days like this that I get so aggravated with this fibromayalgia...

and at doctors who don't seem to listen to me...
you know, they don't have all the answers...
not all of them...

had my 8:30 appointment this morning...
and I do not mind waiting when I am not flairing...
but if I am, I am in agony just being there...

first appointment of the day...
should have gotten right in and right out...
but not this morning...

and I know I am not the only person in the world who needs to see the doctor...
but its at those moments, I hate having this...
when I have no control over my pain or my energy...

and I ran out of steam pretty quickly...
and after checking me...
he ordered a chest xray, to see why this stuff came back...

normally, it wouldn't be a problem...
but today...
I didn't have the energy to do it...

so I took the paper from the nurse and told her...
I just can't do it today...
she said it was my call...
so we came home and I went to bed and crashed...

we can go back in the morning to do it...
and it might work out better...
but I hate not being to plan something and carrying it out...
I hate that sometimes we have to ditch everything and run home...
and you never know when its going to happen...
and it just stinks...
and I have been praying for this attitude to go away, but I am struggling today with it...
I let it go one minute and grab it back the next...
sometimes I just miss being 'normal'...
so if you know someone with fibro...
and I know you cannot completely understand what we go through...
but just try to remember...
we are more frustrated than you are when it comes to dealing with it...
we can't control it anymore than we can control the weather...
and we don't do it on purpose to get out of things...
and we would really like to make plans and go out and eat or have you over for dinner...
because some days all we need is for people to cut us some slack...
and we really need to do that for ourselves, too...
and don't give up on us...
we may not be able to keep up anymore...
but we are worth holding onto...
because when God takes something away...
its to give you something greater in return...
and even though I know that He is making me better, stronger, more compassionate...
there are some days that I would like to be weak and ignorant...
and if I was, just look at all the things in these photos He sent to me today...
I would have missed them...
I will stomp and huff until this funk is shaken off...
that's how I make them go away...
thanks for letting me rant on...
I just need to purge this darkness that has fallen over me...



6 comments:

Marissa said...

Oh Tete,
I feel for you.
didn't know you were going though this
I will be praying for you
Trust in God!!!

Tessa~ Here there be musing said...

Oh my Dear, you are so right. No one can know what it is like, to have a particular illness...

I can understand your frustration with all the curtailments, it puts on your life... In so many ways... At so many times. Not being in control is hell. And very hard to peacefully deal with.

Is it even human, to expect to deal with total lack of control?????? Don't you need some time of total "down-ness"? Of just a cry and a time of not-trying-to-be-understanding-and-strong???

And then, for your own good, not because you *are supposed to,* for your own good, work on coming "back up," to dealing......? Maybe?

Gentle hugs....

Tessa~ Here there be musing said...

I hope that writing your feelings down here, was helpful. It really seems that the act of writing things down (whether with pen or a keyboard) seem to help.

And your Background took my breath away! It is that gorgeous!

I have a simple, simple, simple blog look, at the moment (background). 'Cause I love my "Dreams" illustration in Header. And it seems to need, a simple setting background. But you know, I'll be itching to change, in not too long.

Gentle hugs..

Ruth Ann said...

Dearest Tete, I don't have a chronic illness as you do, but I have a persistent heartache that I live with daily, so I "get it." Some days you just can't rise above it. I rejoice that you recognize that the Lord is with you in it and that He brings good out of all trials. But I am also glad that you are humble and wise enough to ask your friends for prayer when it becomes more than you can bear. God tells us to bear one another's burdens, but we can't do that unless we know there is a burden. Bless you, dear one, I am praying.

Susie said...

Tete, I hate when we have to wait for the drs....most times they over book...money,money,money.. Once I was stripped off waiting for the obgyn. The longer I lay on that table the madder I got...so I jumped up put my clothes on and told the nurse, hey ! I have things to do to. Gaaa. I hope and pray you get some good advice or meds to take care of all the horrible things you are suffering thru. xoxo,Susie

Heaven's Walk said...

Oh sweetie....I am so sorry that you're dealing with this right now. I haven't a clue about the pain and frustration that you're feeling, but please know that I will be keeping you in my prayers. I know that you know that God is bringing you through this for whatever reason. Stay strong. Vent when you need to, and know that we are here lifting you up. May you feel God's healing hand on you....

xoxo laurie